Episode 4: Learning to Trust Again (Starting With God)

Description:

After betrayal and harm, the word “trust” can feel impossible. Rather than demanding that you “just trust God and people again,” this episode lays out a gentle ladder of trust—tiny, practical rungs you can take at your own pace. You’ll consider what it means to rebuild trust in God, in yourself, and in others through small, repeatable experiences of safety. No pressure, no forcing—just honest conversation about what trust can look like after trauma. 

 Episode 4 – “Learning to Trust Again (Starting With God)” 

Primary Scriptures for this episode (feel free to pause and look them up): 

• Psalm 13 – Honest questions and trust in tension.
• Psalm 56:3–4 – “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”
• Proverbs 3:5–6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
• John 20:24–29 – Thomas and his doubts.
• 1 Kings 19:1–18 – Elijah’s fear, collapse, and God’s care.

In our next episode, we’re going to explore community and boundaries more deeply—how to find safer spaces and begin setting limits that protect what God is healing in you. 

Until then, may you feel permission to move at the pace of grace, one small step of trust at a time. 

With fierce love and unshakeable faith,
I’m Rev. Stormyee, and this is Wholeness. 

Watch on all podcast streaming including Spotify and Apple Podcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Welcome to Holmes with Reference Dormy Edmundson. A space for healing. Space and kingdom purpose. I'm referenced for me Edmondson. Working Minister, Christian I, and your companion on the journey from comment to china. Here we talk about the building. Healing from pain. Realing the mind. Whether you're going to see it in a survival restoration or trying to be a reminder. Psalm 13, honest questions and trust intention. Psalm chapter 56, verse 3 through 4. When I'm afraid, I put my trust in you. Proverbs chapter 3, verse 5 through 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. John chapter 20 verses 24 through 29. Thomas and his doubts. Elijah's fear, collapse, and God's care. Hi friends. Welcome back to wholeness with Reverend Stormy. We spent the last few episodes laying a foundation. In episode one, we named that what happened to you was real and wrong, and that God truly saw it. In episode two, we talked about your body and how your nervous system learned survival. In episode three, we honored your grief and began to see that your grief is holy. Today, we're going to step into one of the hardest parts of healing from trauma, and that is trust. This episode is called Learning to Trust Again, Starting with God. We're going to talk about why your difficulty trusting is actually understandable, how to begin rebuilding trust with God, and how to take small steps, wise steps, toward trusting safe people again. If you grew up hearing, just trust God, while the people who hurt you also use God's name? This can be a loaded topic. So we're going to move gently. Let's pray. Jesus, you know how trust has been broken for every person listening. You see the places where their hearts and bodies brace at the idea of trusting anyone again. Even you. Would you be so gentle with us today? Show us what it looks like to trust in increments at a pace that honors our stories and our nervous system. Amen. Take a breath in and out. You don't have to force anything. Just be here. If you've been through trauma, especially in your family, church, or close relationships, trust is not simple. When the people who were supposed to be safest became sources of harm, trust doesn't come easily. And it shouldn't. Maybe a parent, a pastor, or caregiver violated your safety. People who claim God's name use scripture to control or shame you. You beg God to stop something, and it feels like he didn't. Your nervous system learned, people are not safe, vulnerability is dangerous, letting my guard down gets me hurt. So maybe now you keep relationships very surface level. Share just enough to get by, but never the whole story. Have a hard time receiving help or comfort. Feel yourself pulling back when things start to feel close. I want you to hear this clearly. Your mistrust is not a moral failure. It's a trauma response. The question isn't why don't you trust? The better question is, given what you've lived through, how could you have trusted differently without better support? We're not here to shame your walls. We're here to ask, how can those walls become gates with locks and keys that you control instead of permanent prison walls? Segment two Peter's story Trust in Increments. Let's look at Peter for a moment. In Luke chapter 5, which you can read later, Peter has been fishing all night and caught nothing. He's exhausted, he's frustrated, and probably feeling like a failure. Then Jesus shows up and tells him to throw his nets out one more time. Now, from a practical standpoint, that makes no sense. Peter is a professional fisherman. Jesus is the carpenter turned rabbi. Peter answers, Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets. He doesn't say I feel totally full of faith. He doesn't pretend this makes sense. He basically says, Everything in my experience says this won't work. But because it's you, I'll try one more time. That is incremental trust. Trust is not always a feeling of certainty. Often it's a small step of obedience in the middle of doubt, exhaustion, and fear, because of who is asking. You may not feel ready to trust people. You may not even feel ready to trust God. But maybe, just maybe, you can try something small, because He says so, not because you understand everything. Segment 3 Jesus speaks to your fear of trust. Listen as if Jesus is speaking to the part of you that is terrified to trust again. My beloved child, I know why you don't trust. The ones who should have protected you harmed you. The ones who should have listened silenced you. The ones who claimed to speak for me misrepresented my heart. You learned that vulnerability is dangerous, that honesty gets used against you, that needing others leads to abandonment or control. I do not judge you for that. I understand it. I am not asking you to throw your heart wide open to everyone. I am not asking you to reconcile with abusers or to ignore your body's alarms. I'm inviting you to take tiny, safe steps toward me and toward the people I will show you are safe. One conversation, one prayer, one honest sentence, one small risk at a time. I will never shame you for needing time. I will never punish you for being cautious. I move at the pace of your nervous system, not at the pace of other people's expectations. Take a breath and notice. What happens in you when you hear this? Do you feel resistance? Relief? Both? A blankness? Part of you longs to trust. Part of you is determined never to be hurt again. Both parts deserve compassionate. Honest, not polished. For a lot of survivors, trusting God has been taught to us as agreeing with the right statements about God, never asking hard questions, stuffing doubt and pretending confidence. But biblical trust looks very different. The Psalms, like Psalm 13, are full of people who trust God and also say things like, How long, Lord, will you forget me forever? Why have you forsaken me? Wake up. Why are you sleeping, Lord? Trust does not mean you never question, doubt, or wrestle. Trust means you bring all of that to God, not away from Him. So instead of trying to jump straight to, I fully trust you, God, what if your first step is, I'm willing to tell you the truth about why I don't trust you? That is a form of trust. You might pray something like, God, I'm not sure I can trust you. I feel like you didn't show up when I needed you. I don't understand why you allowed what happened, but I'm willing to talk to you about it instead of shutting you out completely. That's a massive step. That is where relationships begin. Segment five. The trust ladder. One rung at a time. I want to give you a simple tool I call a trust ladder. Imagine a ladder with small rungs. Each rung is a tiny step of trust. Instead of jumping from the ground to the top, you're just moving one rung at a time. Let's build one together in your mind. At the top of the ladder is something that feels almost impossible right now. Maybe trusting God with your whole story, or trusting another person with your deepest pain. We're not going there today. Today we're looking for the bottom rung, the smallest act of trust you can imagine that feels stretching but not overwhelming. For example, the bottom rung might be whispering, God, if you're real and good, I need you to show me, even if you're not sure you'll believe it. Telling one safe person, my childhood was not okay, without sharing any details. Scheduling an intake appointment with a trauma-informed therapist, even if you're nervous. Going back and listening to a previous episode with the intention, Jesus, if you want to speak to me, I'm open. What's wrong one wrong that feels like this is a little scary, but I could actually do it. Take a second and let that rise in your mind. Now imagine Jesus standing beside that ladder with you, not at the top yelling, hurry up, but at the bottom saying, I'm right here with you for this one step. That's all I'm asking for today. This week your homework will be to take that one step, not five, just one. Segment six moving toward people, testing, not throwing yourself. Trusting God and trusting people are connected, but certainly not identical. Some of you want to trust God, but feel done with people. Others might find it easier to trust a therapist or a friend than to trust God because people feel more tangible. Wherever you are, I want to offer a principle. Test. Don't toss. You don't have to toss your whole heart into someone's hands to see if they're safe. You can test them with small pieces of your story and watch how they respond. Safe people listen more than they fix. Don't rush you or pressure you to share more than you want. Don't use your story against you later. Respect your no and your boundaries. Apologize when they're wrong. Unsafe people make everything about themselves. Minimize your pain or compare it to their feelings. Use scriptures to shut down your feelings. Punish you overtly or subtly for saying no or taking space. You're allowed to notice patterns, you're allowed to step back, you're allowed to say, I'm not ready to share more with this person. Trust is not all or nothing. It can grow slowly as people prove over time they are safe enough for the next rung of the ladder. Segment seven. Thomas misses Jesus' first appearance to the disciples after resurrection. When they tell him, We have seen the Lord, he says, unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe. That's pretty blunt. Thomas wants evidence. He's not pretending. When Jesus shows up again, he doesn't shame Thomas. He invites Thomas to do exactly what Thomas said he needed. Put your finger here. See my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe. Jesus meets Thomas at the level of trust Thomas actually has, not where he should be by now. In the same way, Jesus knows exactly what you need to take your next step of trust. You are allowed to say, This is where I really am. Meet me here. Segment eight. Reflection questions and homework. Here are a few questions you can sit with this week. When I hear the word trust, what emotions rise up? Fear, anger, longing, numbness? How has my difficulty trusting been a form of protection in the past? In my relationship with God, what is one honest sentence that I haven't dared to say yet? Who in my life might be a candidate for testing with a small piece of my story? For homework, choose one. Option one, prayer of honest distrust. Talk to God for five to ten minutes and tell him, as honestly as you can, why you struggle to trust him. You don't have to fix it. Just tell him the truth. Then if you can, end with, but I'm willing to keep talking to you. Option two trust ladder step. Take that bottom rung step that you identified. One act of trust toward God, a therapist or a safe person. Afterwards, notice how your body responds and jot down a line or two about it. Option three, safe unsafe list. Make two columns on a list. One column feels safer, the other feels less safe. Write names or types of people under each based on your actual experience. This is not about judging. It's about honoring what your body and your story already know. Segment nine. Closing and preview. Friends, if trust feels like too big a word for you right now, I want to say this. You are not broken for struggling with trust. You are human and you are hurt. God is not standing over you with folding arms saying, just trust me more. He's sitting beside you saying, I know why you're scared. Let's take this one small step together. Over time, with his gentleness and good boundaries with people, trust can become less of a threat and more of a refuge. Let's pray. Jesus, thank you that you understand why trust is hard for us. You know every betrayal, every misuse of your name, every broken promise that led to these walls. I ask you now to bring comfort, not condemnation, for the one who feels like they can't trust you. Meet them kindly. For the one who wants to trust but feels stuck. Show them the next small wrong on the ladder. For the one who has been repeatedly hurt by people in your name, begin to separate who you really are from what was done to them. Surround each listener with at least one safe person in this season. Help them test wisely instead of throwing their hearts into unsafe hands. And above all, keep showing them that you are gentle, patient, and true. In Jesus' name, amen. In our next episode, we're going to explore community and boundaries more deeply, how to find safer spaces and begin setting limits that protect what God is healing in you. Until then, may you feel permission to move at the pace of grace, one small step of trust at a time. With fierce love and unshakable faith, I'm Reverend Stormy, and this is wholeness.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

For too long so guarded by no one, but I'm coming on to weather this storm to look in your eyes and see I'm finally known I'm coming home where I belong 'cause it's the only place I can already. So I'm coming home.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

You're the only thing I believe in choosing faith whoever season.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

So I'm coming home to weather the storm to look in your eyes and see I'm finally no where I belong Cause it's the only place I can help So I'm coming home.